When the Holidays Hurt: A Real Talk for First Responders

For most people, the holidays are supposed to be this warm, shiny, Hallmark-movie stretch of the year. Bright lights. Matching pajamas...ugh. Kids tearing wrapping paper at 6 a.m. Families crowding around the table, laughing and arguing about nothing.

But for a lot of first responders… the holidays hit different.

And if we’re being honest—some years, they don’t feel like the holidays at all.

When Your Family Is Broken Before the Eggnog Even Hits the Table

In the fire service and law enforcement, the divorce rate is through the roof. Everyone knows it. Nobody wants to say it out loud.

You’ve got responders showing up to the station on Christmas Eve because it’s easier than sitting alone in a quiet house with a broken marriage or an empty chair where a kid used to sit.

Some responders split their holiday between houses, exes, custody schedules, or no family at all. Some are trying to pretend everything is fine. Some have no one waiting for them. And some just bury themselves in work because it’s the only place where anything makes sense anymore.

When the Holidays Lose Their Magic

It’s hard—damn near impossible sometimes—to feel the “holiday spirit” when you’ve spent years seeing the worst humanity can offer especially around the holidays.

People think the world softens this time of year.

It doesn’t.

You know it. I know it.

The malevolence in the human heart doesn’t take Thanksgiving off.

Murders still happen on Christmas Day.

Domestic violence spikes.

Drunk drivers take lives right in the middle of what should’ve been a perfect night.

Families are torn apart while the rest of the world is singing “Silent Night.”

And there you are—on scene, trying to do your job while lights from the Christmas tree flicker in the corner of a room you wish you could unsee.

After enough years of that, it gets harder to look at your own tree at home.

Harder to wrap gifts.

Harder to pretend everything still feels magical.

When You’re Working Yourself Into an Early Grave

Firefighters, cops, EMTs—so many of you work multiple jobs just to keep the bills paid and the world afloat.

Long hours. Overtime. Holiday shifts. Back-to-back 24s.

And the whole time, society is preaching “family first,” while barely paying the people who show up at 3 a.m. when everyone else is warm in bed.

It wears you down.

It ages you faster than time should.

And before you know it, you wake up one day wondering where the last ten Christmases went.

So What Do We Do?

1. What WE Can Do For Our Responders

If you’re a spouse, friend, family member, pastor, neighbor—here’s the truth:

Responders don’t need perfection from you. They need presence.

Here’s what helps:

• Invite them—even if they can’t come. Being remembered goes a long way.

• Bring a plate to the station. You have no idea how big that is.

• Send a message. Something simple: “Thinking of you. I know today might be tough.”

• Give them space if they need it—but don’t let them isolate forever.

• Don’t guilt-trip them for missing holidays. They already feel it. Hard.

• Offer to help with kids’ schedules, meals, or errands. Real help. Not talk.

Small things. Real things. Human things.

2. What We Can Do For Ourselves as Responders

We can’t control the calls. We can’t control the brokenness we witness. But we can take steps to protect our own hearts during the holiday season.

Here are some starting points:

• Allow yourself to feel what you feel. You don’t have to fake joy. You don’t have to “suck it up.”

• Create your own version of the holidays. Celebrate on a different day. Do it differently. It still counts.

• Find one moment of peace each day. Could be prayer. Could be the gym. Could be watching the sunrise. Something that’s yours.

• Connect with someone who gets it. Another responder. A chaplain. A trusted friend. Don’t white-knuckle it alone.

• Set boundaries with work if you can. You can’t pour from an empty tank.

• Lean into gratitude—even if it’s small. It shifts the mind. It puts air back in the lungs.

You deserve joy—even if it looks different now. You deserve peace—even if you have to fight like hell for it. And you deserve to know that you’re not broken just because the holidays don’t hit you the way they hit everyone else.

A Final Word

If the holidays feel heavy this year, I want you to know something:

You’re not failing.

You’re not weak.

You haven’t lost your humanity.

You’ve just been carrying too much of the world for too long.

And if no one’s told you lately—thank you.

Thank you for standing the watch.

Thank you for running the calls.

Thank you for holding the line while the rest of the world sits around a table full of food and blessings they don’t even realize they have.

This season might be tough—but you’re not alone.

And there is joy still out there for you.

It just may take a different path to find it.

Happy Holidays and stay safe out there.

-Tom

"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." - Galatians 6:9

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